I must be Dreaming
by Oblivious Henry
Summary: It held everything he kept secret, what he wanted no one else to know. Now to be tossed onto the streets, an abandoned teen, Renji tries to keep going...no matter how hard things got. ...where...where was his guardian angel...? .AU, IchiRen, etc. R
1. Abandoned

Pages flapped helplessly in the gentle breeze that swept on by.

A body laid on the ground, eyes half-lidded, tears streaming down their bloody, beaten, face. Cuts decorated sensitive flesh which caused the meant to be caressing breeze hurt and sting with so much pain it felt as if they were burning.

Crimson droplets colored the pages as dull hues stared up at the night sky.

It wasn't as bad as usual…not one bit…it wasn't _snowing_ like it did that one fucking freezing winter when _this_ had been their gift from their father.

Nee-chan couldn't do anything.

Nii-chan didn't give two shits what happened to the adopted child.

_"Stay away from dad!"_

Cold dark pools had stared down on them that night, the little girl tried to hurry over but –

_"Rukia! Stay with Byakuya! Don't ya fuckin' come over here!!"_

She had cried.

She watched the fragile figure get beaten to hell and tossed out of the house, being called 'worthless trash' as always.

Closing their eyes a snicker passed slit lips.

How fucking funny this situation was. And dealing with such hell for all those years. It still continued…nearly going to cutting the pale flesh to stab the inner organs. Such a useless 'father.'

_"Nii-san!"_ Rukia had screamed, _"Renji!!"_

And yet Byakuya held her back like always…like a good little boy.

They weren't family now as long as he was concerned.

Turning the long haired boy groaned and slammed his eyes shut, curling his hands into fists and pushing himself up, licking the blood dribbling down from his lower lip and grabbed onto the dirty note book he had held nearby as always, which had been tossed out along with him.

All because of a misunderstanding with him kissing Rukia's arm to help her 'boo-boo' feel better.

Stupid mother-fucking prick.

His real parents even abandoned him at a random orphanage. They left him…the redhead smirked in a strained way at how the image of them grinning in a demented way of getting rid of him.

Stupid fuckers…

He _hated_ people. They were a waste of space, needing to be all perfect and whatnot…it made him sick to his stomach.

Renji wiped his scrapped hand over the page and cursed once words smudged and he felt his blood ring in his ears, eyes narrowing and tears continuing to fall.

It was so unfair…so not fair…

He hated his life…

Maybe he had been a waste of DNA. Sure shit.

Closing up the black word-holder the teen pushed himself shakily onto his feet and stumbled before he straightened himself, setting his bleeding hand against the wall.

_Why…_

Renji began to make his way forth, clutching the last possession he never wanted to loose to his chest. His eyes were hazed as he glanced up at an abandoned church. A church…huh?

_…do people need to hurt?_

His black short sleeved shirt was tattered and ripped, his baggy same-shaded pants torn at the knees, dark Nike's holding onto his feet to keep them warm to the best of their abilities. Tripping on the steps Renji cursed and laid there, shuddering violently from the cold and slowly made a motion to scrunch himself up.

Pushing off his hand a pained whimper slipped past his lips.

Slowly he crawled up to the doors and nearly fainted from joy once when he pushed it opened.

Maybe God decided to have pity on him for being such a good boy in protecting his 'sister'. Dealing with all this fucking shit for as long as he had. Writing down all the torment inside the note book.

His life, he never let go of it or lost sight of the patient friend who welcomed him back…

…and couldn't criticize him for how he let it all happen.

Renji believed that there were _angels_ and _demons_…no doubt. But what he wanted mostly was a _guardian angel_, someone to hold him as he cried when in such agonizing pain such as tonight.

But no…those didn't exist.

If they did why hadn't one come to save him yet?

Finally making it to a bench, a rickety, smelly, old bench. Hoisting himself up he laid down on it and held onto his journal even tighter.

He didn't want to die, not yet.

Closing his eyes Renji shook. It messed like rat piss, shit, vomit, mildew, mold…even blood. _His_ blood.

Curling up into a ball the boy let out a sob and his shoulders shock horribly.

_Why does life…need to screw me over a hundred times over…? Why not fuck with someone else, bitch?_

As those thoughts passed his mind the red haired boy fell into an endless abyss.

---flashback---

_A door swung open as the baby cried, small fists placed beside the boy's head, little red hairs sprouting at the top of his head._

_He was left in a basket sewn together with straw, blanket with designs of a pineapple on it. The boy barely knew how to speak and reached tiny arms up to the old woman standing above him._

_"Oh my," she breathed out, bending down and scooping the child up into her bony arms. Piercing hazel eyes looked upon a gift that was from God but to be dropped on the doorstep…in such a helpless manner._

_She frowned at the thought of what would've happened to the poor dear if she hadn't opened the door to the orphanage._

_The red haired toddler could've been picked up and trained to be a prostitute, a sex slave, the worst things ever and she simply sighed._

_"Come inside, dear," she cooed, picking up the basket to stand and head inside._

---end flashback---

Tired, exhausted, limbs moved a bit and Renji hissed at the pain, cracking an eye open.

Nasty scents passed his nose and the teen slowly pushed himself to sit up. His eyes roamed the lonely place, it was so empty, so abandoned...

...something he and the building had in common.

Standing Renji hissed as it pulled on the blood that had caked his skin. So uncomfortable and irritating. Holding his notebook to his chest the teen lifted his right foot and kicked the wooden bench in front of him, cursing everything and anything that passed his mind.

And he didn't even give a goddamn if he was in a church.

Strings tugged uncomfortably at his heart and the pale boy stopped, clutching the word-holder. Eyes fell halfway shut and he bit down on his lower lip as he hunched over.

...it hurt...

...so fucking much.


	2. Victims

It was the coldest feeling, the worst he's ever had. To know he was just tossed aside and would soon also be forgotten. What's worse was that he felt that he was happy. Happy to know he was free and away from that so now that ungrateful little bastard would deal with what he had to his whole life after that one day.

_He'll finally see why I hate everything..._

Setting his notebook to the side the redhead glanced around with half-lidded, dead, eyes. So tired, so hungry, so...

Depressed.

Reaching a hand up he brushed stray strands out of his face and ventured around the run-down church. The scent of the rat piss didn't bother him much now, though the teen sighed heavily once he finally found the bathroom. Pressing his dirtied hand against the surface of the door to push it open with a wince as it pressed hard against the wounded flesh.

The bathroom wasn't any better than the main room. Paint was peeling away, there was blood smeared on the mirror, tiles covered in grime, this smell was worse than anything. Like a rotting body. Moving in the door swung shut and a loud 'BANG!' echoed throughout the room.

Moving over to the cracked mirror he raised a hand and placed it against the glass. Cherry-colored spheres glancing down to see that brown, caked, blood clogged the sink. Though...

_It looks like it's a few hours old._

Moving back Renji went over to each stall, kicking them open and holding his fists at the ready. Stall one, nothing. Stall two, nothing. Three, four and five obtained nothing. Six however revealed a body of a woman, her stomach sliced open and staring up at the cieling. Recoiling back the teen slapped a hand over his mouth and gagged, rushing to get out before opening the door and slamming it shut.

"Ugh..." The mirth of tears stung his eyes, the taste of bile in his mouth. "Oh God..."

Next thing he knew he was puking out his disgust at the sight, hunched over and eyes shut. Sickening sounds continued until the redhead panted and opened his eyes slowly.

There had been a murder in this church.

"_Haah...haa..._"

Standing up and wiping his mouth with the brim of his shirt the young male moved to grab his notebook and pencil, pressing them close as he staggered to the entrance. Pushing the door open and being welcomed by a bright light, that light known as the sun.

"T-this can't...go unnoticed..." he mumbled, looking down and the image of how dead that woman looked attacking his mentality. Realizing as well how an infant was on the floor, an underdeveloped baby with the umbilical cord still attached.

Collapsing to his knees Renji whipped open the word holder and wrote down everything, every little detail and all the sickened emotions that came along with it.

In the end he wrote down '_She was murdered..._' then shut it once he heard footsteps and glanced up to see a young child moving her head from side to side, the green hues dull and void of real color. "Brother...?" she called, attired in a creme Sunday dress. "Brother, where are you?"

Soon she reached the stairs to enter the church and tripped on the first step, the red haired boy's eyes widening and moving to catch the little child who then held onto him so tightly.

"B-brother?" she stammered, reaching a hand up to feel the teen's features. "...brother, if that's you don't play games."

Standing straight and helping her to stand the redhead blinked and grabbed onto the prodding hand lightly to lower it. "I'm not your brother." he complied, seeing the blonde move her head to 'look' at him and tears formed in her eyes. "...are you...blind?"

A timid nod came then and a sigh from him soon after. Releasing the hand and placing a hand atop the girl's head.

"C'mon, I'll help you find your brother." he spoke gently, smiling softly though it was tinged with sadness. How he missed hearing 'brother.' That was the last word he ever heard from Rukia, that adorable, young, child. Taking his hand back he bent down and picked up the notebook, slipping the pencil in through the spiral. "'kay?"

"O-okay, thank you, mister." the toddler stuttered, reaching her tiny hand up for the redhead to take.

Looking down at said hand Renji then sighed inwardly and took it into his own loosely while walking forth and the other following in step once she felt the tug to her hand. "No need fer 'mister,' name's Renji."

The blonde tightened her hold, as if afraid to lose the hold she had on Renji's hand, really afraid. As if...he was her angel whom came to answer her plea. "Nice to meet you, I'm Yuu." she responded while reaching her other hand up to get an extra hold on the crimson haired boy's hand.

_I'm not scared anymore, _crossed her mind while closing her eyes as her white dress shoes' soles padded against the concrete. _I'm not._

Glancing over with reddish-brown hues Renji smiled softly at seeing the content look on the little one's features while tightening his hold on his notebook. Though he knew she'd forget about him later on. It always happened, always. But, just this once, he'd allow his hatred towards the world to dissolve for the time being until they found Yuu's brother. Then the bitterness would return, he knew this, it would return tenfold.

"Pleased to meet you, Yuu." he said.

* * *

**Oblivious' Note: Sorry for the LONG wait. Totally forgot about this until I saw the note from glon morski.**


End file.
